Why am I so driven to work with couples on the North Shore?
Years ago, I noticed a devastating trend, when working with couples in my therapy practice. I observed that one of the partners (usually the woman) had already grieved the loss of the relationship while they were still in it. She would announce the end of their relationship, leaving the man feeling absolutely devastated.
Was the writing on the wall for a failing relationship?
Yes, there was writing on the wall. Men often acknowledged their partners’ discussions about relationship unhappiness and dissatisfaction, but they saw it as a phase, a rough patch, a small window of time that all relationships ride out. Men tend to be big-picture thinkers, in it for the long haul, and may not see relationship unhappiness as a serious issue until it’s too late. On the other hand, women often measure their level of happiness on a day-to-day basis and may not fully communicate the magnitude of their unhappiness.
How did this grieving happen during the relationship?
Grieving the loss of a relationship usually occurs over months or even several years. It’s typically a slow deterioration over time. The couple emotionally disengages, then starts living parallel lives, and eventually reaches the end of the loneliness cascade. For men (sometimes women), the announcement of the relationship ending can be traumatic because – unlike their partner – they hadn’t already been grieving its loss. They never realized the severity of the situation they were facing, often not imagining that their partner was fantasizing about a life without them. They were left blindsided and now forced to accept the end of the relationship. For men, the grieving starts the day of this announcement. While the woman (sometimes the man), is often already checked out, has accepted that the relationship is over and has taken steps to move forward.
How has this grieving trend affected how I practice with couples?
After witnessing the heartbreaking trend of relationships deteriorating, I was compelled to shift how I practice. I did so by expanding and creating my assessment tools to delve even deeper into the core issues and patterns with couples.
My passion is working with grieving couples, teaching them how to halt their relationship’s decline and equipping them with powerful tools and strategies to end their cycle of grieving. In our work together, I provide the couple with a roadmap back to a stronger connection and a more resilient relationship.
This is part of what drove me to become the Founder of The Relationship Clinic and developer of a first-of-a-kind 5-day intensive for couples called:
Become a Powerhouse Couple
Create a Loving Relationship and a Family that Thrives.
A one-of-a-kind 5-day Couples Intensive.
Personalized to help you and your family.
Available in North Vancouver, West Vancouver, Squamish, BC, the Lower Mainland annd worldwide!
*For one couple at a time.
Additionally, I’ve created my own multifaceted approach that draws from the following paradigms:
- Gottman Method (a specialized research-based tool for couples);
- Attachment Theory (how we unfold emotionally and psychologically);
- Mental Health;
- Trauma and Neuroscience when working with couples during counselling.
Education
- Master of Arts: Counselling Psychology, University of Victoria, BC
- Bachelor of Arts: Psychology with distinction, University of Victoria (started at Malaspina University College), BC
Contact me to find out how we can work together to strengthen your relationship
I work with all couples in North Vancouver, West Vancouver, and Squamish, BC across the entire relationship continuum:
Those with a strong commitment to their relationship, who are proactive and have a desire to continue to learn and deepen their connection. These couples want to be the best they can be.
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Couples who feel stagnant, but have a strong love and desire for the relationship to succeed and are seeking to improve their communication, conflict, and connection.
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Those where one (or both) is questioning the longevity of their relationship. The relationship is at risk because the individual is concerned if there is truly a way back to a stronger, better-connected relationship.
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Couples in crisis, perhaps struggling with infidelity, lies, betrayals, or trauma. They feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Counselling can provide tools and education to learn how to repair the relationship.
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Couples in which one partner has fully grieved and accepted that the relationship is over and wants to move on in a respectful way. They engage in couples counselling to facilitate the announcement that the relationship is over. The hope of the person making this announcement is that together they can end their relationship with care and respect, navigating the necessary conversations around finances and parenting. Often, I work with couples who don’t want to navigate the wind-up ending together through the counselling process. My work then is to help the willing individual through this transition alone. Typically, children are involved in these scenarios and the parent(s) is/are seeking guidance and support to best support their kids through the ending of the relationship and upcoming transitions. These individuals seek my specialized parenting consulting, whether together or separately.
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Couples in which both partners wish to end their relationship amicably and respectfully. These are often parents who are highly motivated to support their kids through separation. These parents are committed to being strong co-parents and seek my expertise in parenting consulting. They come to couples counselling in pursuit of guidance on how to best achieve a healthy and successful transition for the family.
Contact me to find out how we can work together to strengthen your relationship
More about me and how counselling with me can help
As a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with an MA in Counselling Psychology, I specialize in psychotherapy and education, in private practice — on the North Shore (North Vancouver, West Vancouver, and Squamish, BC) — and online. I work with couples, families, and individuals,
I adopt a multifaceted approach aimed at helping clients manage and support issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, triggers, stress and coping. I see these symptoms and challenges not just as surface level problems, but as indicators of deeper issues. By gaining insights into these underlying concerns, we can change our behaviour, support our symptoms better and improve our lives. My goal is to help people see differently, so they can do differently. I use a direct, yet gentle approach to provide psychoeducation and therapy. I aim to motivate, inspire and empower individuals to thrive and live life to their fullest potential.
I am a certified Gottman Couples Therapist, having been trained by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, leading research scientists in marriage and family, with over 30 years of landmark research. Dr. John Gottman is the author of several books including The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and And Baby Makes Three.
I use a method that combines Gottman Couples Therapy and Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) to assist couples in addressing their relationship issues and building a stronger, more resilient connection. The goal is to break through barriers, and enhance understanding, connection, and intimacy. This approach helps couples navigate potential challenges, such as communication issues, conflict resolution, a relationship that feels stagnant, and living parallel lives, and to develop strategies to prevent these challenges from occurring. These methods are rooted in Dr. Gottman’s extensive research on over 3,000 couples. I’m certified in Dr. Sue Johnson’s EFCT, focusing on de-escalating conflicts and re-establishing emotional connections as seen in her books, Hold Me Tight and Love Sense.
As a Certified Dr. Gordon Neufeld Parenting educator, I delve into the realms of developmental psychology, drawing from the wisdom of Dr. Neufeld’s renowned book, Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers.
My passion for the attachment paradigm shines through in my commitment to helping parents and professionals gain a deep understanding of the inner world of children. In my private practice, I offer individual parenting consultation sessions aimed at unraveling the intricacies of children’s emotional and psychological development and growth. I also extend my support to parents navigating separation or divorce, providing insights and guidance on meeting their children’s emotional and psychological needs during such transitions.
In my North Shore practice, I focus on assisting parents in anticipating and navigating the behavioural and emotional changes their children may experience. This approach cultivates an easier transition for both parents (or the parent in consultation) and children, ensuring that the challenges of these changes are met with understanding and effective strategies.
I am a Certified Trauma Therapist, having been trained in Dr. Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing Therapy program, designed for professionals to help individuals who have experienced trauma in their lives. Dr. Levine is the author of many books including, In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Waking the Tiger: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences. He describes trauma as “an internal straitjacket created when a devastating moment is frozen in time.”
Trauma stifles the unfolding of our being and strangles our attempts to move forward with our lives. It disconnects us from ourselves, others, nature and spirit. Trauma symptoms are not caused by the event itself; they arise when residual energy from the traumatic experience is not discharged from within the nervous system. This energy remains trapped in the nervous system where it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds. We can then lose the capacity to cope in healthy ways, and in turn, become less resilient.
I utilize the Somatic Experiencing approach that supports a framework to assess where a person has become stuck in the FIGHT, FLIGHT OR FREEZE response and provide the tools to resolve these physiological states.
I am an expert in a specialized therapy method known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I’m certified by Dr. David Burns, the author of Feeling Good and The New Mood Therapy. CBT is a powerful approach that delves into the interplay between thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and choices. Through this technique, I help individuals understand how their thoughts influence their emotions and vice versa, leading to specific actions and decisions. By addressing negative thought patterns and emotions, CBT empowers individuals to shift towards a more positive mindset, thereby improving mood, coping skills and overall mental health. I can apply this method not only in individual therapy, but also offer guidance and tools within the context of couples therapy. CBT is pivotal in modern mental health treatment and is an approach that provides hope and tangible solutions for those dealing with depression, anxiety and related challenges.
I have been certified by Dr. Rick Hanson, author of Hardwired to Happiness and Resilient, in a course called “Positive Neuroplasticity Techniques.” These techniques involve using positive strategies combined with neuroscience principles to effectively treat anxiety, depression and trauma. This technique helps clients overcome the brain’s negativity bias, release painful thoughts and feelings and replace them with self-compassion, self-worth, joy, and inner peace.
I utilize the power of neuroscience, along with positive life experiences, to rewire negative thought patterns offering life skills that lead to deep and lasting change in how you perceive the world around you.
I am the author of a thesis titled, “Domestic Violence and its Effects on Young Males: Is There a Risk for Criminal Behavior?” My expertise lies in domestic violence and its impact on children, particularly on the externalizing and internalizing behaviours observed in children who have witnessed such violence. These behaviours encompass aggression, criminality, anxiety, withdrawal, nightmares, lower self-esteem, and psychosomatic complaints. I work with both parents and professionals to identify early signs of potential budding criminals during childhood and provide consultations, education and support to parents and caregivers facing these challenges.
Contact me to find out how we can work together to strengthen your relationship.